I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
