I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
