I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we're so committed to being not committed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
