Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
