that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
