Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
