i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
