That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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