im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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