you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
