The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
