I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
