I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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