Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
