all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
