She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
