the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He shit in the fireplace
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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