I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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