Four minutes until I can fart!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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