so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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