piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
