Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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