fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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