btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
