So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
