there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
