My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
