Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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