I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
