when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
