my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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