i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
