So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
