Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
