the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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