everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
