I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
