I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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