so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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