i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
