I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
