Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
