i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
