I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
