So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
