two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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