one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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