Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
