we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
