it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
