Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
