It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
