Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
