Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just google imaged poop.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
