it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
