I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
